A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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