Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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