I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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