Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
