I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
