ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Shame - the story of my life.
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