If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
