Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
