even my farts smell like vagina
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
two words...techno handjob
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
