he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
