I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
