If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
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