you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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