I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
