Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
