I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
