Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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