I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
