She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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