dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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