I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
