All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
