So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
