I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
