I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
