Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
