herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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