We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
handjob tips. give me some.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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