nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I intend to get homeless drunk
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
