Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
