If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
