why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
