I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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