The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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