I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
