I wanna passion pit in your ass
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
