i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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