Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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