I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
