so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
