I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
