let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
