I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize