We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
