My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
