this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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