Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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