Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
