I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
