I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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