he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
