His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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