i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
