You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
