he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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