Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
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That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
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YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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