Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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