Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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