fuck your aforementioned shoe
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
