She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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