I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
