Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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