if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He did a backflip because drugs
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
