mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
