Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
