Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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