So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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