hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i've created a new STD.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
