So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
