I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
