she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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