So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
