On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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