I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
