I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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