Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
